To Each His Own

A few years back:

Sir: Do you really have to prove your point every time Suchi?

Suchi: ehhh? Maybe or maybe not I am not sure. ..but what do I do if he is wrong.

Sir: just make your point and leave it. We all live by our own experiences and time teaches us many things. We have our own journeys.

Suchi: but Sir… what if he is wrong.

I remember Sir remained silent. My adolescent mind did not allow me to interpret the silence then.

After spending years with various kinds of people around me I have chosen to remain silent.

I have realized that topics such as atheism vs theism, monogamy vs polygamy, vegetarianism vs non vegetarianism, science vs religion, evidence vs faith etc are topics which are very sensitive and have no full proof answers.

For every man who propagates monogamy you can find a man who propagates polygamy.

Amongst the various reasons a monogamist might give, one could be being loyal to his wife.

Amongst the various reasons a polygamist might give, one could be that his wife is not sexually active and so his basic needs are not satisfied. He therefore has the freedom to go elsewhere. Amongst the various objections a monogamist might have, one could be that this is against morals and society. A polygamist might say that due to lack of fulfillment of his basic needs he is extremely frustrated and the repercussions are very unpleasant.  A monogamist might choose to live with the repercussions while a polygamist might not. A monogamist might say that the society does not accept it but a polygamist might say that he does not care about society.

Is the polygamist wrong? Each of us are governed by different principles and priorities in life. The monogamist chooses to stick to the morals which might lead to sexual dissatisfaction while a polygamist might fulfill his needs and be sexually satisfied. Let us not get into the pros and cons of being sexually satisfied and dissatisfied. It can be a topic for another day.

In the process we have forgotten people who choose to practice celibacy. 

So, is it hard to say that each one is practicing beliefs what best suits them? Is it hard to say ‘to each his own’.

A few days back I was talking to my colleague about vegetarianism and the conversation was being heard by another colleague. Needless to say that he cannot have a meal without meat and I cannot have a meal with meat. Among the many statements I made one was ‘I left meat eating to avoid cruelty to animals’ to which he says ‘aren’t you being cruel to the plants.’ I smiled and I left the question unanswered, or I chose to remain silent. For sure I understood that just the way he has a strong belief in eating meat I have a strong belief in not eating meat. For every point he makes to support his argument I will have my own set of arguments to go against his point. Silence and acceptance in difference in opinions is the best that could be done.

Is it not the best to say ‘to each his own’

I believe that  ‘ye duniya bharose par kayam hai’. The closest English quote I can think of is ‘It is hope which keeps you active. The translation is 'the world is surviving/sustaining because of hope.' For a man who is driven by science, analysis and logic this statement is gibberish. For a man who is driven by faith this statement might be one of his drivers to his outlook in life.

Now who is right?

Have we heard of right brained and left brained? While a scientist might spend his life finding logic and evidence of the past a painter might spend his life creating paintings of the future. While one man chooses to dig the past the other man chooses to the paint the future. Who is right here? Each might find the other insane.

To cut this short is it not safe to say ‘to each his own’

For every theory which comes up with some evidence I find another theory negating it. The internet is full of articles supporting Richard Dawkins and you will find an equal number of articles negating it. When Richard believers talk of evidence, people who do not support Richard challenge the evidence and the process of measurement. (Radiometry has its own limitations). An atheist might choose to believe a theory which is governed by proof but has its own limitations, challenges and flaws a theist might choose to have faith. An atheist might question the existence of God while a theist might question the limitations of science.

What is right – evidence or faith? Faith is blind and evidence is flawed, limited and challenged by scientists every now and then.

I choose to believe -- to each his own.

Everybody has the right to believe what they think is right because everybody interprets things in different ways. I therefore feel that right and wrong is not absolute. It is relative.

Being a wise man Sir knew that each person understands life in his own way and with his own experiences. He also knew that I would take my time to understand this and to allow me to learn things on my own he chose to remain silent.  Just the way I choose to remain silent when it comes to strong beliefs.

When I see people around me  trying hard to prove their point, passionately  trying to prove that the other person is flawed, illogical  and irrational, having a strong  belief that they are right and others around are wrong I see a couple of things. One, their passion and belief attached to the point they are trying to make and two the inability to understand that we are all different, with different views, thoughts, journeys in life, tastes, priorities, dogmas, experiences, beliefs, values and needs. The only thing common is the need to be respected and understood.

Will I be able to understand that the passion which drives me to believe something drives someone else to believe something else. Let us respect the differences. When we learn this we remain silent just the way Sir had done. He wanted me to learn it in my journey called life.

A relation is cultivated by not only enjoying the similarities but also respecting and appreciating the differences. The latter being more important.